By J. Michael Hall, M.Ed. Founder and President, Strong Fathers-Strong Families, LLC
Our mission at Strong Fathers-Strong Families is to help schools, Head Starts, and community programs work better with fathers in order to strengthen children. Many times organizations will tell us that they want to get more men involved. Many, but not all, organizations just want men to volunteer because they are an untapped group, they are strong (and hairy) and they have a specific skill set (swinging hammers).
Strong Fathers want men to be involved in their child’s life first and we believe that once they connect with their child then they will become even better volunteers over the long term. We have found from working face to face with over 100,000 men that there are phases that every father goes through on his way to becoming a very strong volunteer.
5 Phases of a Father Volunteer
1. Connecting to His Child
In our busy world it can be difficult for parents, particularly fathers, to really get to know their child. Fathers must be connected to the child in order to take on the role of a responsible father. Without a growing connection to the child, the efforts to involve the father lack relevance and therefore long term effectiveness. A man needs to know his child’s strengths and opportunities for improvement before he can see how he can help his child.
2. Connecting to the Classroom or Community Program
The value of bringing fathers into the classroom or program is to not only help them connect to their child, but to also understand the environment in which the child is learning and developing. All aspects of the classroom (the teacher, the other students, the social and emotional values, etc.) play a role in the child’s learning. By having a working understanding of, and perhaps even a relationship with, all of the aspects of the classroom, the father can better see where he can fill the needs of the organization for his child’s sake.
3. Connecting to the Campus
It is also important that fathers have a sense of the overall campus environment and how it does or does not support their child’s learning. By connecting to the campus the father can also be an asset to their own child’s education and the education of other children and families in the campus community. When a father understands that the child will be a part of that campus or program over time, then he is more likely to become an advocate for and asset to the program as a whole.
4. Connect to the Parent Community
As the father develops in his role he becomes more aware of both the needs and opportunities for himself and others. As fathers find themselves within the community of parents they can find commonalities with parents with similar needs and desires for their children’s future. Many organizations have attempted to connect parents to the school or community agenda first without having parents connected at more foundational levels. Even if fathers can be connected at this level, their involvement lacks depth and resilience.
5. Connect to Volunteer and Leadership Opportunities
Many programs want fathers to volunteer but those efforts are usually ineffective until the father is woven into the bigger picture of how his efforts impact his own child and the community in which they live. Dad’s clubs, security programs, one-off service projects must first benefit his own child and then the greater good. Adding more responsibilities to a father’s life without relevancy to the greater good will not benefit children or the community in the long run. Many such programs only benefit the social standing of the involved fathers or the public relations of the sponsoring organization but not the outcomes for children. In order for fathers to stay the course they must see that what they do is beneficial to their child as well as others.
We encourage organizations to help fathers develop through these stages in order to build the strongest set of volunteers. All of the best volunteers and leaders take this journey, we stunt the growth of the volunteer and the organization if we ask them to skip steps.
Fathers do not wake up every day to impress people with their painting or tough-guy skills. They wake up every day to do the best they can for their children. Once we develop and tap into that strength, the father, the family, the child, and the community are all stronger.
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J. Michael Hall, M.Ed. is the Founder and President of Strong Fathers-Strong Families, LLC. He has facilitated father-child events in schools and Head Starts for over 100,000 fathers, trained thousands of professionals in education and child care and has written numerous magazine articles and book chapters. He is the father to two teenage boys and husband to a beautiful middle school teacher. Learn more on the Strong Fathers website, join the conversation on Facebook and follow Mike on Twitter.
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